If the last question is no then please hand back this form.
Welcome to the Rat Pack application form. We are currently reforming this illustrious group & require
new & innovative characters to apply.
Currently members consist of ‘Sid the Squid’ (Chairman) & ‘Robbiedoontoo’ (Chief Anarchist).
8 further members are permitted into this exclusive club. The Application form is below, please answer questions as truthfully
or as arrogantly as possible.
Part 1, sobriety.
Q.1A stranger offers to buy you a drink, do you,
A kindly decline.
B Thank him/her graciously & accept.
C Get them to buy the whole rat pack a drink or they can take a run & jump.
Q.2 A group of birds come in, one of them gives you the wink, do you,
A Smile back but do nothing.
B Get stuck in there, you haven’t had a bird in weeks.
C Get all her pals in for a group kissathon with the rest of the Rat Pack.
Q.3 You are the designated driver for the night & you are offered a drink, do you,
A Say cheers & down a wee half.
B Say cheers 7 down a double.
C Say no ta coz you never drink & drive.
Q.4 Sharleen Spiteri comes into the bar & strikes up a conversation, do you,
A Ask for her autograph.
B Ask for her phone number.
C Get her address as the Rat pack is coming up later with a karaoke machine.
Q.5 It is the end of the night & you have £20 left, do you,
A Sneak off home.
B Pull a bird on the sly.
C Wait until the Penny Black opens & get the round in.
Q.6 Hibs get beat at home, do you,
A Get pished, football matters.
B Get pished, it’s only a game.
C Get pished, alchohol matters.
Q.7 An unknown song comes up on the karaoke, do you,
A Ignore it.
B Jeer at the silly cunt that tries to sing it.
C Get all the Rat Pack up with you & croon along.
Part 2, Artistic merit.
Below is a space for you to make a diagram of your preferred route home. Points are added for pubs correctly named in order
& kebab shops put in a state of disorder.
A GAP
Part 3, Mixology report.
Please list you best 2 cocktails, 1 must knock you on your arse, the other may be tasteful.
A GAP
Part4. Jollity assesment.
Now is your chance to entertain by jotting down your best joke. Dyslexics may rdaw a rpetty picteru.
A
GAP
Thank you for your cooperation. Your answers may be taken into account during your application but don’t count on
it. Bribes are acceptable though cheques are usually laughed at. Remember to insert your application fee of £82.25 in small
untracable notes in the envelope unprovided.
